It’s talked about in little circles. It’s discussed in hushed tones amongst family and friends. It’s brushed aside as a sad part of life that one should not dwell on and certainly should never be talked about with strangers. What am I talking about? Miscarriage. I am starting this blog because I recently experienced my fourth loss in three years and I no longer want to hide it and be ashamed of it.
Why is it that people can post every detail of their pregnancies on facebook and other social media sites, right down to the sex of their baby months before the baby is even born, but talking about miscarriage, another part of pregnancy, is taboo? After my most recent miscarriage, I really hit an all time low. This was my third miscarriage in two years and I delivered a baby boy prematurely at twenty-eight weeks due to preeclampsia the year before. He died after three and a half months in the NICU. These were four incredibly painful events in my life. I was tired of it all. I was heartbroken. I was angry. I asked, how could this happen again. I wondered how it is possible that there were so many bad parents out there and unwanted pregnancies yet we continued to have heartbreak after heartbreak.
I wanted to shout at the world about the injustice of it all. I actually wrote a long angry message on my Facebook status and then decided at the last minute to not post it because it was an unproductive and angry rant, but it got me thinking. I wanted to talk about this. I wanted people to know this had happened and this has been a real part of my life for a long time now. For eight weeks, I was happy and excited and couldn’t wait to tell everyone but because of my history with recurrent pregnancy loss, we had only told a few people. It seemed wrong to keep such an important thing in our lives a secret but we didn’t want to jinx anything. Then we found out we had miscarried again, and it was like it never happened. I don’t want to live in secrecy about this big part of my life anymore, and I’m not alone. You don’t have to look hard to find stories about miscarriage online. It’s comforting to know you’re not alone. So I took a leap of faith and started this blog.
I want to create a community of hope where grieving angel parents can share their experiences and resources for coping with their grief and anger. I am not a doctor, I do not have a background in psychology and none of the information or resources on this blog is intended to replace the advice and care of your doctor. This blog is simply a place to visit when you want some comfort of knowing you’re not alone and want to share your own experiences and feelings. I have compiled some links and information about products and services that I have found very helpful in reducing stress and helping me cope and heal to prepare my body to become pregnant again. I have also provided the complete stories of each of my pregnancies including my first pregnancy, which resulted in a severely premature birth and death of my angel son, Holdon. Holdon’s story is a must read for anyone who is pregnant or trying to become pregnant as it talks about a very serious complication of pregnancy, Preeclampsia. I have also included a link to the Preeclampsia Foundation website that has valuable information about this serious pregnancy condition.
If this is your first loss, or many, I express my deepest sympathy and empathy. I hope this blog can help you find some comfort during this most difficult time in your life. I hope you find the healing suggestions and links on this blog helpful and I hope my own experiences and stories as well as my readers’ stories help you know that you are part of a special community of incredibly strong and brave people. You are not alone. If you are like me and are suffering from one or multiple miscarriages, stillbirths and/or the death of a new baby, I want to invite you to join my blog and become part of this community. My goal is to build a community of hope where it’s OK to talk about pregnancy loss. Where it’s OK to express our most inner feelings about this topic that seems to be taboo but shouldn’t be because it seems like when I open up and tell my story, I find out that so many others are going through the same thing or have similar stories to share. Most importantly, I hope this blog renews your ability to hope that your dreams can come true. My own dreams of a family have not come true yet but I’m not giving up and I know that no matter what happens in the future, I am already a mother to my angel baby Holdon and 3 little embryo angels.
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